


Heroes

by kitchen_sinks



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), The Perks of Being a Wallflower - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Anal Sex, Angst, Crossover, Drunkenness, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Inspired by The Perks of Being a Wallflower, M/M, Party, Phan Angst, Phan Smut, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 13:34:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7686529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitchen_sinks/pseuds/kitchen_sinks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky exploring the relationship between Dan (Brad) and Phil (Patrick), two high schoolers who could only be together behind closed doors and found love at the bottom of a glass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heroes

As he picked his clothes off the bedroom floor, Phil tried to convince himself that fucking an almost complete stranger was something teenagers did, and for the most part, he believed it.

But there was something very, very different when those two teengers were the scrawny, out and proud boy and the school’s star quarterback. 

Phil sat on the edge of the bed as he pulled his shirt over his head. The beat of the music from downstairs reverberated throughout the house, a repetitive hum in his heart. On the other edge of the bed, Dan Howell was entangled in the sheets, passed out drunk. His face in sleep was peaceful without the trademark smirk he always wore around school, the upturned snarl of his lips spouting words that Phil could only now think of as hypocritical. He smirked to himself as he crept out of the bedroom unnoticed,  _“Who knew Dan Howell was a faggot like me.”_

x

“Dan, we need to talk.” The words came tumbling out of Phil’s mouth as he grabbed Dan by his letterman jacket. Immediately he was accosted with rough hands pushing him into a locker. 

“The fuck do you want with Dan, freak?”

It was Chris Kendall, resident douchebag and one on Dan’s go-to cronies.

Phil rolled his eyes and locked them with Dan’s chocolate pools. They stared back, dead and unblinking. Unrecognizable. 

“Dan,” he began, but was immediately cut off and slammed sharply against the locker. His head was thrown back and hit the metal frame with a loud snap. Chris and PJ were leering over him, but Phil was unfazed. 

“Don’t fucking come near us, you homo, got it?”

With a final shove they pushed him into the hallway where he stumbled into the current of students and was lost in the push and pull of high school traffic. He maneuvered his way to his next class undeterred, because dammit, one way or another he was going to speak to Dan about what had happened over the weekend.

x

It was Wednesday when he had finally managed to corner Dan alone in the library, his band of pet apes were nowhere in sight.

“We need to talk about last weekend,” he stated plainly. He didn’t know how else to put it except for bluntly, Dan didn’t seem to understand anything else.

Dan raised his eyebrows, setting his book back on the shelf and turning his back on Phil. “Dude, I don’t know what you’re talking about, what do you want from me?”

Phil rolled his eyes, in disbelief over what he was hearing. So this was how he was going to play it.

“Don’t you bullshit me,” he snapped, chasing him along the corridors of books as Dan tried to shake him off. “You and I both know you’re as queer as a three dollar bill and-” before he knew it, just like Monday, he was shoved roughly against the wall. And these people had the nerve to call  _him_  the fag. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Dan hissed through closed teeth. He grabbed him by the shirt, twisting it in his white-knuckle hands. “I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re talking about, Lester. I’m not  _gay_  like you.” He spat the word like it was tainted, dirty, and that fueled Phil’s anger towards him.

“Well Dan, you do have me pressed against a library shelf. If you wanted to have your way with me, I would have picked somewhere a little more romantic.” 

Dan jumped back, disgusted. “I don’t know what your obsession with me is, but stay the hell away.” And with that he turned on his heel and marched out of the library. Phil scoffed, wondering what a neanderthal who couldn’t read like Dan was doing in the library anyways.

x  _(3 weeks later)_  x

Traversing through the loud and crowded hallway, Phil searched in vain for a bathroom. He’d never been to a party at Carrie’s house before, and the vast layout was unfamiliar to him. Upstairs the hallways were dark and sparsely populated, with the occasional couple milling in and out of the bedrooms. He set his empty solo cup aside on a table and wandered throughout the hallways, the alcohol giving him a slight sway in his step. Turning the corner, he bumped into none other than Dan, who’d been avoiding him for the past three weeks. He was, by the looks of it, smashed.

“Oh hey! Ishh Phil!” he exclaimed, beer from his cup dribbling onto the carpet and spilling onto his shirt.  _Carrie was going to have fun cleaning that out,_  he thought to himself contemptuously. Dan didn’t seem to notice.

Phil crossed his arms, thoroughly pissed.”Oh so now you can talk to me? Only when you’re drunk and your group of cronies isn’t with you?” 

“Oh don’ be like that.” For what felt like the millionth time Phil felt himself get cornered against the wall, Dan’s hot breath in his face. Dan brushed his fingers across Phil’s cheek, his touch surprisingly gentle, while his other hand slunk under his shirt.  _Shit._  Dan’s fingers were generating pinpricks of electricity across his skin and he hated it. He hated Dan.

So why was it so easy to find himself in this situation all over again?

“Please, Phil,” he whispered. His lips trailed across his neck, leaving gentle marks along the pale skin, and Phil’s body stiffened completely. “I want you.”

And who was Phil to turn him down.

Weaving his fingers in Dan’s dark and tousled hair, he pulled him in for a heated kiss. His breath was warm and he tasted like cheap beer, but then again, he probably did too. Dan moaned in his mouth and fuck, Phil could barely find it in him to shush Dan until they found a bedroom. 

Dragging him by the hand, he pulled Dan into the nearest empty bedroom. The springs creaked as he pushed Dan down, pulling his shirt over his head and tangling his hands in his hair. He left the lights off. 

x

“I don’t understand why you can’t just tell them,” Phil breathed, barely above a whisper into the darkened room. Dan lay apart from him, distant and cold like he always was when it was over. He looked up at the ceiling, his glassy eyes unblinking.

When he didn’t say anything, Phil continued tentatively. “I mean whatever people say, they’re just moronic high schoolers. You could always-”

“No!” snapped Dan, rolling over to his side. “I’m not fucking gay, so don’t act like I’m anything like you.”

“What the fuck Dan, honestly?” All of Phil’s anger came bubbling up again, pouring out in a torrent. He rolled over, glaring at Dan who had of course turned his back on him, “Yeah you fucking me ten minutes ago totally wasn’t gay, total  _no homo_  right there, mate. Stop fucking acting like this is something you did cause you were drunk, or whatever the hell your excuse is. I’m sick of it. You and I both know this isn’t the first time this has happened.”

For a moment, Dan was silent. The only sound was the rhythmic ticking of the alarm clock beside them, reading  _1:14 A.M._  in flashing green lights. Phil closed his eyes and could still see their bright flashing burned into his retinas. Eventually he heard the raspy creak of bedsprings as Dan sat up and began to collect his clothes. They stayed there for a moment, the room fraught with words no one could say.

“But I’m not gay,” he whispered, closing the door behind him with a resounding click.

x

“You mean to tell me he just ignores you completely in school? Like you don’t even exist after all of  _that?_ ” 

Louise seemed more outraged about the fact than Phil himself, who had come to accept this with quiet resolution.

He shrugged nonchalantly, fiddling absentmindedly with the straw in his drink. “He’s just coming to terms with his sexuality I guess. Maybe he  _is_  just drunk and horny, I have no idea.”

Louise took a long sip from her chai tea before setting her cup down and saying, “Phil darling, I love you dearly, but that is such bullshit.”

Phil stared at her, perplexed. 

Noticing his vacant stare she continued, “I mean, seriously Phil, Dan has never shown any interest in girls. I should know! I was practically in love with him back when I was seven.” She had a mock-dreamy look on her face. “He was the cutest boy in all of primary school and wouldn’t even give me the time of day.”

Phil snorted into his drink. “I didn’t take you for the ‘football player’ type, and I hate to burst your bubble but that was ten years ago.”

“And have you ever seen him with a girlfriend lasting more than a month since then?” exclaimed Louise, waving her pretty pink nails in the air. “No! The longest girlfriend he ever had was Lily Patterson, and do you remember how frigid they were together? Absolutely no chemistry, trust me, I know.”

“Your point being?”

She rolled her eyes again, “My point being, Phil, is that Dan has already grasped his sexuality. He’s not doing this because he’s drunk or whatever, he wants  _you._ ”

Phil looked down at the tabletop, suddenly transfixed with his caramel macchiato. “If he really did, then he wouldn’t be so ashamed of me,” he murmured without meeting her eyes.

“Hey now,” Louise scooted closer, wrapping his pale fingers in her warm hands. “Obviously, he’s got some deeper issues preventing him from coming out, whether it be friends, family, or whatever, yeah?” 

“I guess,” Phil mumbled. 

“I just don’t want him to hurt you. Obviously this is making you feel like shit right now,” she said pointedly. 

Phil sighed, “It’s just hard to find anybody when you’re one of the only ‘out’ kids at school. It’s not like you, where you could probably walk up to that barista up there and say ‘Hey barista man! Want an easy fuck?’ And he’d be all for it!” 

Cupping her hand to her mouth, Louise stifled a giggle, “I think the most concerning thing is you think that’s how straight sex works, and you think I’d fuck that barista.” She gestured to the greasy, prepubescent boy who’d taken their order earlier.

“You know what I mean,” he said, rolling his eyes. “It’s just harder.” 

She patted his hand gently, “I know,” she reassured. “And I trust you’ll do what you think is best. Just… don’t get caught by his friends or anyone okay? They’re real dicks about that kind of stuff.”

Phil thought back to earlier that week with Chris and PJ. “Believe me I know,” he said. 

“Good. I know you’ll make good choices,” she said, eyeing him carefully.

“Alright, mom.” He smirked. “Now we should probably do some actual studying before my C minus in math gets any worse.”

He concentrated half heartedly on the trigonometric ratios and functions, but try as he might, he still couldn’t shake Dan from his mind. 

x

And so it went on, where every few weekends a party would roll around that Phil found himself attending, just for the off-chance Dan would be there without his football buddies. He couldn’t help himself from scanning through the crowds of intoxicated and stoned teenagers, searching in vain for Dan and his trademark letterman jacket. After a brief search, he spotted him. He was alone, which was unusual for Dan, and he was leaning against the wall taking small sips from his cup of beer. Phil liked seeing him this way. Blissfully unaware, he wasn’t keeping up the charade of being  _Dan Howell: Star Quarterback._  Instead, he’d tossed the sports jacket in exchange for dark jeans and a plain white button down with the sleeves rolled up. Phil felt his throat catch.  _Dammit Dan._  He was a real asshole but he was an attractive one. His heart began to beat a bit faster in his chest.

Looking up, Dan spotted Phil through the crowd and his warm brown eyes lit up. Setting his drink on the nearest flat surface, he began to push his way through the crowd.  _Shit shit shit._  He frantically ran a hand through his messy fringe, willing the blush to stop creeping up his neck. _Fuck._

Dan had cut a line through the swaying bodies and was leaning in towards Phil, talking into his ear just loud enough for him to hear over the roar of the music. “Meet me upstairs in 10 minutes,” he breathed, and as quick as he came, he left, elbowing his way through the masses of people and vanishing into the hallway.

“Shit,” Phil muttered under his breath. It was one thing to fuck someone in a spur-of-the-moment “I was just drunk” kind of thing. But meeting in a stranger’s house for some sort of “secret sex rendezvous” was another thing entirely. Phil couldn’t help but think the situation seemed much more…  _intentional_  than it had before. He looked down at his exterior, noting the shabby flannel and lame black skinny jeans. His hair was probably sticking up in all directions and his mouth already tasted like cheap beer from the couple sips he’d had. 

Taking off down the hallway, he knocked on the nearest bathroom door. Thankfully it was empty, and he shut the door quickly, locking it behind him and flicking on the bright fluorescent lights. He took in his appearance in the bathroom mirror, pale skin stretched tight over his skinny frame. With lanky arms and narrow shoulders, his build was slight and delicate, with fragile features accentuated by bright blue eyes. Phil didn’t hate his appearance, but people like Dan with their muscular frame, tan skin and perfect hair made him a bit self conscious. He desperately attempted to flatten his messy fringe, with one confounding piece of hair in the back defying the laws of gravity and refusing to lie flat. He felt around in his pockets until he emerged with a stick of gum that he ripped open and began chewing frantically. Taking a deep breath, he looked at his watch and decided he should probably make his way upstairs. 

With a final glance in the mirror, Phil cracked open the door and slipped into the hallway, walking until he found the staircase at the end. A few kids sat on the stairs or in the hallway, talking, laughing, and smoking, probably stoned out of their minds. Phil waved a hand in the air, wafting away the delicate tendrils of smoke that tried to curl into his nose. The steps were wooden and creaked when he put weight on them, and upstairs the halls were dark and sparse.

“Dan?” he called into the hallway. He was almost afraid to make any noise. He turned the corner and felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. Dan.

“Hi there,” he breathed. His eyes scanned up and down Phil rapidly, drinking him in as he moved in closer. Before he knew it, Dan’s lips were pressed against his own, his fingers in his hair, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. Phil stiffened, shocked for a moment, before relaxing and leaning into the kiss. Dan’s mouth was warm and inviting, and for once, it didn’t taste like alcohol. Phil stumbled for a moment, blindly feeling for a door handle, something, anything to get them out of the hallway and into a bedroom. He broke apart from Dan for a moment, who whined at the loss of sensation.

“Don’t be such a baby,” Phil smirked. He opened the door, tugging Dan by the hand into the empty bedroom and hurriedly threw the door shut. Dan pulled him onto the bed and Phil fell onto him, feeling the smooth skin on skin contact where their shirts had ridden up. He adjusted himself over Dan, straddling him and moving his lips to Dan’s neck, biting and sucking along the pale flesh. 

“Fuck, Phil.” Dan moaned, breathing hard and pressing his forehead into Phil’s shoulder. “I’ve been waiting so long for this,” he mumbled, almost incoherently. He ran his hands up and down Phil’s sides, snaking his hands under his shirt and brushing across the soft expanse of skin.

Phil removed his lips from Dan’s throat with a wet suction, moving his hand to cup Dan’s chin and press a gentle kiss to his mouth. They started slow and built deeper, and while the minutes passed, Phil had to try and control his desire and go slowly. The thing about being with Dan was each moment was sparing and precious. He never knew when they’d be together, and the brief and messy moments they did have he tried to make last. That’s why he was so immersed in the heated skin and wet kisses he didn’t even notice the door had opened until he heard a soft, “Oh!” from the doorway.

Springing apart, Phil opened his eyes to see a small boy with dark hair and glassy, wide eyes staring at them. It was Charlie McDonnell, the freshman boy he took woodshop with. Without a word he turned around and ambled out the door.

“Who was that kid?” Hissed Dan. His eyes were wide and fearful. 

Snapping back to reality, Phil bolted upright to chase after him. “He’s a friend,” he said not quite convincingly. “Relax, I’ll go talk to him.” With one last look at Dan’s worried face he stalked out the door, where Charlie was there, waiting.

“I didn’t see anything,” he insisted, holding up his arms. 

Phil sucked in a deep breath and decided to cut the bullshit. After all, he’d talked to Charlie before, seeing him in that fascist woodshop class or on Friday nights when he went to Dan’s football games. He was a good kid. 

“Okay Charlie, you obviously saw something, and I just want you to know Dan doesn’t want anyone to find out, so-” he paused for a moment, taking in Charlie’s rumpled exterior, glassy eyes, and pungent smell.

“Charlie,” he began, reaching out and placing a tentative hand to his arm, “…are you baked?”

“Like a cake,” he smiled. He rubbed his red eyes while Phil pinched the bridge of his nose and suppressed a chuckle, relieved. Hopefully, even if Charlie told, which he doubtfully would, everyone would know he was completely stoned.

“Listen,” Phil grabbed both of his arms, forcing Charlie to look him right in the eyes. “I need you to promise you won’t tell anyone okay? This needs to be our little secret.” 

Charlie nodded mechanically, “Yep, agreed,” he babbled. “I promise.”

“Good,” Phil gave him a tight smile. “Now I’m gonna go back in there okay? Why don’t you go find Louise downstairs, she’ll take care of you. We can talk about this another day.” 

“Sure,” he said mindlessly, and began to walk towards the staircase. Phil turned to head back to where Dan was sitting, likely nervous and impatient, when he heard Charlie call, “I look forward to that talk!” He shook his head and smiled to himself. Charlie was a strange kid alright, but a good one nonetheless. He wouldn’t tell.

He eased open the door where Dan was sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. His head jerked up when he heard Phil enter the room. 

“What happened?” He asked, obviously agitated. 

“Nothing,” said Phil, closing the door and clicking the lock shut. “I just told him we didn’t want anyone to know and he promised not to tell. He was completely stoned by the way.”

Dan stood up quickly and walked around the room, running his hands through his dark hair when he turned around and snapped, “But how do we know he won’t tell? He could tell anyone and then…” he paused for a moment, face paling with the realization of the consequences. “Then they’d all know.”

“Calm down,” Phil eased, walking over and placing a reassuring hand on Dan’s shoulder. He rubbed gentle circles in his back and tried to draw out the tension. “Charlie’s a friend of mine. He’s in that bullshit woodshop class with me and he won’t tell. I know he won’t, he’s just-” he paused for a moment, thinking of the right words. “He doesn’t have many friends, Dan.” He thought back to the beginning of the year, where Charlie had been one of the few kids in his class who was quiet, withdrawn. A tentative wallflower who saw, and understood. “He understands the stakes, Dan.”

“Okay,” said Dan in a small voice. “Okay, but we can’t be doing this shit in public places anymore. It’s too easy to get caught.”

“Well what do you suggest we do?” Asked Phil, incredulously.

“I don’t know,” he snapped, “Dammit Phil, why do you expect me to have the answers to this?”

Phil withdrew his hand from Dan’s back, stung. “I wouldn’t know. I forgot you’re not even gay,” he said bitingly. 

Dan’s face crumbled as he sat back down on the edge of the bed and placed his head in his hands. “I don’t even know what I am anymore,” he whispered, his voice breaking towards the end. Immediately Phil was filled with guilt.

He sat down next to him on the bed and hesitantly put an arm around him. Dan didn’t shake him off. “You don’t understand, Phil,” he began in a shaky voice. “There are things you don’t know that I, I can’t-” 

“Shhh,” Phil hushed him, taking Dan’s head and placing it against his chest, “You don’t have to explain, I understand.” 

After a few moments, Dan inhaled a deep breath and withdrew from Phil’s arms. “My dad’s out of town next weekend. We can meet then,” he said resolutely. 

“Sure,” agreed Phil, pressing a gentle kiss to Dan’s temple. He left him sitting on the bed while he snuck out, disappearing into the throng of other students and out the door.

x

Phil couldn’t stop the tremor in his hand as he knocked quickly on the heavy wooden door. Outside it was dark, the full moon aglow in the sky casting an eerie, luminous light across the lawn. When Dan had invited him over, all he’d specified was his dad was out of town and wouldn’t be back until the morning. He’d managed to get Louise to cover him, telling their parents he was spending the night at “a friend’s.” In a way, it was only a partial lie.

Shuffling from side to side, he wondered if Dan hadn’t heard the knock on the door. After all, there was no car in the driveway. He’d parked a bit down the street to avoid being conspicuous. His hands were sweaty and he wiped the slick residue on his jeans. Suddenly, he heard the sound of a bolt sliding out of place and locks clicking. The door swept open and there stood a nervous and smiling Dan, who quickly ushered him inside and closed the door.

Phil looked around the vast kitchen he’d been led into, with pristine countertops and assortments of fancy appliances throughout.

“Nice place you’ve got here,” he stated sincerely. He own house was nice, but a bit cramped ever since his stepdad and Louise had moved in. There were benefits to sharing a house with you step sister/best friend, but from time to time, he couldn’t help but want a little space.

“Thanks…” trailed Dan awkwardly. For the first time, he looked uncomfortable and out of place. Not at all the usual confident, suave Dan he was used to. It was endearing.

“So, we’ve got the house to ourselves, eh?” probed Phil.

Dan smiled. “Yeah, I guess we do.” The tips of his ears were turning a bit pink and he looked down at the floor.

“Mercy me Dan, if you’re blushing over  _that_  what color will you be when we  _actually_  have sex?”

“Shut up!” he giggled, giving Phil a shove. “You’re an idiot.”

“You love it,” he teased, giving Dan another playful push. He let his hand rest on his chest as he lightly pushed Dan against the wall.

Dan’s eyes narrowed as he saw where Phil was going. “Well, yeah,” he whispered. His voice suddenly low and gravelly. “Among other things.” 

“Oh really,” Phil smirked. He could smell the deep pine scent of his aftershave along the delicate skin of his throat. He leaned in closer, his face inches from Dan’s. “Like what?”

“Well,” said Dan, eyes roaming up and down the expanse of Phil’s body. He paused for a moment and took Phil’s face in his hands, rubbing his thumb across his jaw. “Like this,” and in one fluid motion he leaned down, pressing his lips to Phil’s in a gentle kiss. His breath caught in his chest and he inhaled sharply at the sensation before melting into the kiss and leaning into Dan’s body. His blood was surging as he pushed Dan roughly against the wall and pressed needy, hungry kisses along his lips, his jaw, and trailing down his neck. Dan leaned his head back against the wall, moaning desperately for more. 

“B-bedroom,” he gasped. With strong, well practiced arms, he scooped Phil up and carried him out of the kitchen and down the hall. Phil squealed while he continued to pepper kisses along Dan’s throat until they reached the bedroom door. Dan swung it open and it hit the wall with a loud crack, but they paid no mind. 

He dropped Phil roughly on the bed. He was laughing, practically giddy as he climbed over Dan, straddling him and pinning his arms above his head. His cock was achingly hard as he ground against Dan’s pelvis, eyes rolling back at the sensation and friction. He continued biting and sucking along his neck until he sat up, and in one fluid motion, pulled his shirt up and over his head and onto the floor. He then began tugging at Dan’s shirt, where Dan obediently raised his arms and Phil tossed his to the floor as well. Dan’s body shuddered as Phil ran needy, probing fingers over the sensitive skin.

“Fuck, Phil.” His warm brown eyes were bright and pleading. “Please,” he said, exhaling a breathy moan.

And with that, Phil slid his long fingers down and over Dan’s growing bulge. Nimble fingers fiddled with his belt, unclasping it and hurriedly unzipping his jeans. Dan helped him pull them off and Phil messed with his own jeans for a minute, desperately trying to pull the tight fabric over his thighs. 

“I’m stuck,” he laughed in a childish whine. Dan yanked the skinny jeans hard and they began to slowly, painstakingly inch down Phil’s thighs. 

“Dammit Phil!” He hissed through clenched teeth. “These jeans will be the death of me, if you aren’t first.”

When he’d finally pulled them off and they lay on the bed in only their boxers, Phil pushed their bodies back together, feeling the slow drag of fabric against his throbbing cock and the wet suction of Dan’s lips. He could feel Dan’s erection pressed into his own and ran his trembling hand over his length, palming him through the thin material and easing the painful swelling into waves of pleasure.

Dan leaned back into the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut and  _god, he looked so fucking hot like this._  Phil couldn’t help but stare at the heated pink flesh, fluttering eyes, and bitten lips as he snaked his hand under Dan’s boxers and gripped his fully hard cock in his hand. Unconsciously, Dan bucked his hips into Phil’s hand, desperate for movement.

“T-top drawer. Open the top drawer and you’ll find the lube.”

Reaching over Dan’s quivering body, Phil thrust open the bedside drawer where sure enough, a small bottle of clear, gelatinous liquid was sitting, half empty.

“Use this a lot Dan?” He smirked, uncapping the bottle and pouring a generous amount onto his fingertips.

“Just shut up and fuck me,” Dan hissed, rolling over and pressing his face into the pillow. His hips jerked up and down slightly against the sheets, and Phil’s dick throbbed all the more at the sight of it.

“So bossy,” he tisked to himself. He circled his slick fingers around Dan’s hole, eliciting a gentle sigh before pushing in. Dan gasped, white knuckle hands clenching the bedsheets as Phil inserted a second digit, scissoring his fingers back and forth, grazing over that one spot that made Dan cry out, jerking backwards and fucking himself against Phil’s fingers. His breathing was ragged as Phil inserted a third finger, moving back and forth, opening and stretching him. 

Dan was panting with desire, free to be as loud as he wanted in the sanctity of his own home. “Phil!” he moaned into the pillow, pressing his face against the cool fabric. “Please.” He was begging, a trembling mess under Phil’s very fingertips. 

Phil removed his fingers, wiping them on the bedsheets. “Turn around,” he ordered in a gravelly voice.

Dan flipped onto his back, his chocolate, lust filled eyes meeting Phil’s clear blue ones. “I wanted to see your face,” he said in a softer voice, leaning down for a sloppy kiss. Quickly, he drizzled the lube into his hand and gave his already leaking cock a brief rubdown before lining himself up at Dan’s entrance. 

“Tell me if it hurts, okay?” He breathed, before pushing in slowly, deeply, filling Dan whole. 

Dan squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, adjusting to the sizable length before wiggling his hips around, taking sharp intakes of breath at the waves of pleasure that began rolling in.

Phil was aching to move. His cock was painfully hard and his muscles were straining against the desire to fuck Dan completely senseless, but he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips instead, asking him if he was okay first.

“I’m fine,” he assured heatedly, wrapping his legs behind Phil’s back. “Ah, fuck please just move!”

And with that, Phil began his long, languorous strokes, building up speed as Dan practically writhed beneath him, babbling an incoherent stream of curse words that intermingled with his name.

Hearing his name from Dan’s lips drew out his most animalistic instincts, pushing in deeper and faster with every stroke. The headboard began to knock against the wall, making a loud slamming sound with every thrust. 

Dan’s back was arching as he jerked down to meet Phil’s thrusts. Seeing him like that nearly put him over the edge, but he tried desperately to control his impulses for a few moments longer. Collapsing on his elbow, he lifted Dan’s thigh with his other hand and drove into him forcefully, shifting the angle and hitting his prostate again and again with every other thrust.

“Oh god Phil!” Dan’s voice came out thick and choked, filling the room with desperate moans. His hand reached out and he began quickly stroking his own length, already leaking precum. The intensity of his high was building. “I’m close,” he managed to choke out between his gritted teeth.

Phil could feel the tension building fast in his abdomen, electric waves of pleasure coursing through him. He couldn’t hold out much longer, either. With a few final thrusts, he drove into Dan before pulling out and spurting cum over his chest, his hand stroking him through the final bits of his orgasm. Dan continued to mindlessly jack his own dick, hot cum leaking out onto his stomach. Phil collapsed beside him, spent.

When his breathing returned to normal, Phil reached out and plucked a few tissues from the box, cleaning off Dan’s chest which was sticky and wet.

“Sorry,” he murmured as he wiped the sticky fluid away, wadding up the tissue and placing it on the bedside table.

Dan rolled over. “S’okay,” he mumbled, giving him a lazy smile. 

His fringe was sweaty and plastered to his forehead. Phil gently brushed it aside, the pads of his fingers caressing his forehead and sliding down to the gentle curve of his jaw. Dan reached out his hand and held them there. His grip was warm and made Phil scoot in closer, drawing the sheets up around them. They laid there for a while, happy and sated, while Dan’s eyes began to slowly flutter shut.

“Phil?” he whispered sleepily, his eyes half closed.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you, for everything.” His voice was fading in and out, quieter and quieter as he lost consciousness. He rolled over and buried his face in Phil’s chest, tangling their legs together. He didn’t look up when he whispered, “I think I love you,” into the hollow of his collarbone.

Phil’s heart caught for a moment before starting again. A wide grin split across his face as he ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, whispering, “I think I love you too.“

It was that moment the door burst open.

Dan bolted upright, drawing the sheet over his naked body as a bulky, middle aged man with dark hair, the same shade as his own, stood in the doorway, wide eyed. 

He stood there for a moment, shocked, while they sped to collect their clothes.

“What the fuck is this?” He was motionless, a stoic, lumbering presence blocking their exit. Fuck. Phil’s heart was racing a mile a minute and he was suddenly very, very scared.

“Dad-” Dan began, hastily pulling up his pants. 

“I SAID WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?” He roared.  

Before Phil knew it, his father was across the room, fists flying as he landed a solid punch against Dan’s jaw. The impact sent him spinning into the wall, his head connecting with the plaster with a sickening  _crunch_. He cupped his tender jaw as Mr. Howell descended upon him, unleashing a torrent of furious punches on his chest, arms, and face.   
  
“YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!” He boomed.

Dan was backed into a corner, his arms unable to shield himself from the closed fists beating him again and again, socking him in the eye, the nose, the ribs, leaving him bloodied and doubled over. 

“Stop!” Phil screamed, “Stop you’re killing him!” Mr. Howell didn’t respond, his eyes mad with rage as he continued beating his son.

“Phil!” Dan was yelling his name, his voice garbled with the blood that was pouring from his nose. “Get out! Get out!”

He didn’t know what to do. He charged over towards Mr. Howell, trying to wrench his arms away from his son in vain. Instead, he was shoved roughly onto the ground, where he could only watch as Dan was hit again and again, knuckles connecting against soft skin with heavy thuds. 

Dan was still screaming at him to run. “Get out! GET OUT!” He sobbed, a constant scream within the chaos. Thick drops of blood were pouring from his nose and dripping hot and fast onto the floor, splattering more with every hit.

_“Get out!”_

And eventually, he just… did.

x

The pavement was rough against his bare feet as he ran, tearing down the sidewalk until he reached his battered truck parked at the end of the street. He felt around in his pockets, digging out his keys and unlocking the door with shaking hands. He sat there for a moment, tears dripping hot and thick onto his lap as he sobbed, wrought with horror over what he’d just seen.  _Dan_. He could still see his face, watery tears cutting trails through the blood on his face, screaming for him to run,  _RUN._  Get out and don’t come back.

Starting up the engine, he tore down the street, driving blindly towards his house. His breathing was coming quick and shallow and he had to keep wiping his watery eyes so he could see. He was alone in there.  _I left him there,_  he thought, slamming on the brakes as the stoplight flicked from yellow to red. He cried into the steering wheel, deep, heaving sobs that shook his whole body. He didn’t notice the light had turned green again until the car behind him honked impatiently.

“Move asshole!” He snarled, leaning out of his open window to scream at him. Phil stomped on the accelerator, tires screeching as he turned down the street and pulled in front of his driveway. All the lights were out except for in Louise’s room.  _Good,_  he thought to himself. He reached over into the passengers seat, picking up his discarded shirt and pulling it over his head. He adjusted his loose, hastily buckled belt before jumping out of the car, trudging up the driveway barefoot. He’d left his shoes at Dan’s. 

He fumbled with the keys for a minute, his trembling hands almost unable to fit the key in the lock until he finally turned it in, unlocking the door slowly before creeping inside. His mum and stepdad must be asleep. The tv was off and the room dark, the full moon outside casting distorted shadows across the furniture.

Turning on his heel, he ran into the upstairs hallway, making a left towards Louise’s room. He knocked rapidly before twisting open the door handle, not waiting for a response.

Louise was sitting cross legged on the floor with Charlie, poring over a math textbook. Phil had forgotten he’d agreed to help tutor her in preparation for upcoming exams. They looked up abruptly at the open door where Phil stood with his red rimmed eyes, shaking as he shut the door behind him.

“Phil?” Louise stared at him quizzically, setting her notebook aside. “What’s the matter?”

And then he began to cry all over again. He briefly processed the feeling of Louise’s arms around him and Charlie’s hand on his back as he was led over to the bed. Choked sobs filled the room as he cried thick, ugly tears that dripped down his nose onto the sheets.

“Phil!” Louise exclaimed, eyes wide with concern. “Tell me what happened.” She had never seen him so distraught. It was frightening.

“His dad-” he managed to choke out in a strangled voice. “He came home early.”

Louise clasped her hand to her mouth while Charlie stared at him, bewildered.

“Dan’s dad?” He asked. “He found out?”

Phil bit his lip, willing his tears to subside as he wiped his red eyes. He gave a small nod and leaned back into Louise’s arms, his wet cheeks pressed into her pink curls.

In a small voice, he continued. “He saw and he freaked out, he- he.” He swallowed thickly before saying in a hushed whisper, “He ran at us and starting beating him.” He could feel Louise freeze in place when he said that, her breath catching in her chest and her grip on him tightening. “And not like the slap kind, the real kind.”

The tears were back, pricking sharply behind his eyes and spilling onto Louise’s shoulder. “I left him there!” he cried. “He told me to run and I did, I left him alone!” 

Louise shushed him, pulling him closer as she whispered quietly “It’s okay, it’s okay,” over and over again into his ear. 

But it wasn’t okay.

After a few minutes he pulled away, wiping his puffy eyes with the palms of his hands, sniffling. “I don’t know what to do,” he croaked in a raspy voice. “What’s going to happen?”

Louise wiped her own eyes, sympathy tears falling fresh down her cheeks. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. She glanced sideways at Charlie, who was looking down at his shoes. “I don’t think either of us do.”

x

Monday was a nightmare.

When he saw Dan in school, his stomach plummeted. His lip was puffy and split open, scabbing over the wound. Purple and blue bruises bloomed around his left eye, over his nose and likely continued down his torso. Worst of all, he was flanked by Chris and PJ all day, so Phil couldn’t even approach him. Rumor has it he got jumped in Schenley Park. 

He made eye contact with Dan from across the hall, his blue eyes meeting Dan’s swollen purple ones for a brief second. He stared back for a moment before turning away, walking quickly in the opposite direction towards Chris and PJ. 

x

He saw him in the library. Like before he was alone, cradling a book in his arms and flipping delicately through the pages, immersed. His left eye had started to swell shut, a tender, bruised mass he could barely see out of. He looked fragile, with paler, almost translucent skin and shoulders that curled forward. When Phil tapped him on the back, he flinched.

Snapping the book shut, he turned to face Phil. His puffy face registered shock, and then a look of almost disgust.

“What are you doing here?” He said gruffly. He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. 

Phil was trembling and he didn’t know why. This was Dan, the same Dan he was before his dad burst in, wasn’t he? His voice quivered a bit when he spoke. “I had to see you.”

Dan glanced side to side, scoping the room for potential eavesdroppers. He didn’t say anything.

Phil reached up a hand to touch Dan’s face, trying to will the bumps and cuts away with his fingertips. “What did he do to you?” He whispered softly. Dan slapped his hand away.

“No,” he said, backing away from Phil slowly. “No, I can’t-” He took a painful breath before continuing, “I can’t do this shit. Not anymore. It was wrong. It was fucked up, and I’m done.”

Tears pricked behind Phil’s eyes, “Dan I know that this-”

“No!” Dan surged. His eyes widened at his sudden outburst in the silence of the library. When he spoke again, his voice was icily quiet. “You don’t know what it’s like, you’ll never know what it’s like.” He took a few steps back before he whimpered, “I can’t do this.” 

From his blurry, tearstained vision, he watched as Dan turned to walk away. He couldn’t help himself as he childishly blurted out, “I thought you said you loved me!” The sound hung in the air for a moment, razor sharp.

Dan paused, frozen in his tracks. He hesitated a moment before he whispered, without turning around, “I thought I did, too.” 

And then he was gone.

x

Phil went home and pulled out the CD that Charlie had given him, the one with the song “Asleep” by The Smiths on it twice. He listened to it all the way through. 

x

Time passed slowly now. After he’d told Charlie and Louise what had happened, they’d tried their best not to treat him like a wounded animal, but he still noticed the sympathetic smiles they gave him, and the worried glances they’d send each other when they thought he wasn’t looking.

But sometimes time passed all at once, like those moments at parties where he drank too much and people and places blurred past him and he’d wake up, not quite sure where he was. 

He heard Dan was back together with Lily Patterson now. 

Instead, he spent more time with Charlie and Louise, and for the most part, that felt pretty good. Better than being alone and bottling up his thoughts anyway.

“Where are we going?” He asked Louise suspiciously. It was late and she’d been driving them around aimlessly in his old truck, lumbering through the town and down the highway.

“Nowhere in particular,” she said with a sly smile. 

And then he recognized the curve of the road and the green signs above that indicated where they were going.

“You’re taking us to the tunnel aren’t you!” He exclaimed.

She only giggled in response. 

“What’s going on?” Charlie asked inquisitively.

Phil turned around to the very perplexed Charlie in the back seat. The wind was whipping his light brown hair around in his face, and he adjusted himself in his oversized blue jacket.

“Just watch,” he instructed as he unbuckled his seatbelt. They were approaching the tunnel rapidly, and he could see bright lights dancing off the sides of the cavernous entrance. Clamboring out of his seat, he crawled into the back with Charlie and snaked his torso out of the back window. The wind whipped his face and his eyes streamed. He adjusted his body out the back of the window and dropped into the bed of the truck with a soft thud. The blinding lights around him signified they had entered the vast expanse of the tunnel. 

With shaking legs, he stood carefully, gripping the hood of the car until he was upright, flying past the concrete walls in a blur. 

The wind on his face felt cool and good. He closed his eyes and bright spots danced in his vision. He spread his arms out wide and felt the wind slip between his fingers, fluttering his jacket and whipping through his hair. After a few moments, he climbed back in, rolling onto the floor of the truck laughing.

“Feel better?” Louise turned to look at him, smiling, before she directed her attention back on the road.

“Loads,” he confessed, strapping himself back into his seat. 

“Charlie it’s your turn!” He said, turning to face him. “It’s practically a rite of passage, you have to do it.”

He smiled back at Phil, “Okay,” he agreed, unclicking his seatbelt and crawling towards the back window. 

Louise reached for the radio dial and turned it up, the car flooding with David Bowie’s “Heroes,” while Charlie scooted out the window and into the open air.

_Though nothing will drive them away / We can beat them, just for one day._

He sat in the car, watching excitedly from his own window as Charlie closed his eyes against the howl of the wind, smiling to himself contentedly. Phil couldn’t help but want to share this moment with Dan.

_‘Cause we’re lovers, and that is a fact / Yes we’re lovers, and that is that._

He wondered how things would be different if they hadn’t been caught. If they hadn’t been careless.

_Though nothing, will keep us together / We could steal time, just for one day._

Visions flashed as he recalled the slam of a door, the fury of white knuckle fists, and the spout of crimson blood on the carpet.

_I, I can remember / Standing, by the wall / And the guns shot above our heads._

And he was running, chasing pavement out the door and down the road.

_And shame was on the other side._

A low yell brought him back to earth. Charlie was spread eagle outside the window, arms flying as he yelled, breathless, exhilarated. Louise looked back at him, a grin spreading on her face as they tore down the road, escaping the tunnel and revealing the dark blue of the night sky and twinkling stars within. In the distance, he could see the sparkling lights of the town. 

_Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever._

Charlie slid back into the back of the truck, starry eyed and short-winded.

“How did it feel, Charlie?” He asked curiously. 

Charlie paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts before he spoke. “I feel infinite,” he said plainly.

Phil let that sink in for a moment. Infinity was flying. Infinity was speeding down the highway with your two best friends. Infinity was letting go of the hurt and the pain, embracing the feeling of being free. 

_We can be Heroes / Just for one day / We can be Heroes._

“I couldn’t agree more,” he said, giving Charlie’s hand a gentle squeeze.

He felt infinite, too.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like a year ago and wowwww despite it being my first attempt at smut that probably burned your eyes out of your sockets I hoped you liked it! (And hopefully I've improved since then lmao) You can always find me on tumblr at danhowells-movingcastle


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